Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
