i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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