My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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