I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
