Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Randomize
