i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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