Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
