her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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