boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
