Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
