My first STD was from a foam party
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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