Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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