You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
