Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
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Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
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Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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