My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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