I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
