A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
