Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize