my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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