Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
