see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
