Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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