from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
