drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
