There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
This can only be settled by a dance off.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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