youre lurking in front of me
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
