proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
They took my balls.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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