You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
