Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
