Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
