I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
