vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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