We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
