I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
