Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
