You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
