Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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