don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Your cock deserves a montage
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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