She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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