you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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