I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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