Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
