So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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