I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
