this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
