so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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