i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
