is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
