I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
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