Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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