whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
