Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
