I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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