Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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