The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
