Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
