I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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