Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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