...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
wakey wakey hands off snakey
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
