i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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