you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
