He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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