Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
