id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
