party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
