I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
