I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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