fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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