I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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