he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
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Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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