Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
