Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
