we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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