Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
