Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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