Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
