Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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