wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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