I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
