Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
