i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
These tits shall not be calmed
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
