Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
