Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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