before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
