Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
