So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
