She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
