well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
