The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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