i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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