I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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